Online relationships

Last night, I went signed on to my 'regular' MSN sign on - not the one I use for my fellow bloggers.

I haven't been there in a while, because well, it's kinda boring, and I usually use Skype for my A-side friends anyway.

My first foray into online chatting was when Yahoo Chat was full of cammers and cool chatrooms. I met a bunch of cool people, and went through a serious camming anonymously phase. I actually think I was a bit of an addict, often with five or six cam windows open lol.... even on dial up, it performed okay.

I guess like all things, I became a bit bored, and canned most of my 'friends', but I still chat occasionally to two of those original guys. Tim is in his fifties, married, but plays around a lot online, and while his wife works or is away on some or other conference. Tim and I went through a lot of stuff together. He supported me during my divorce and my first forays into coming out and one nighters, and almost relationships. I was there for him when his wife's cancer returned, and when they went into chapter eleven due to the medical costs.

I never felt I loved Tim in any way, but we certainly have a relationship of sorts. Once a week we catch up on the latest gossip, porn sites, new characters in our lives, both on and offline. He is a great guy and though we have never cammed (okay once when I was pretty pissed), we always fantasise about meeting some day and getting naked just because we can.

Matt on the other hand is totally different. First of all, he is younger - in his twenties - fit as all hell, intelligent etc etc. He is the only person I have seriously fallen for online. At one point, we were online together for hours at a time. The only thing that was missing to make it a real relationship was actual touching...

He lives on the other side of the planet of course (Sydney).

So last night, he popped up on MSN. I haven't chatted to him for months. Pretty soon, we were back into each other. It's painful actually, because what we have is like nothing else I have experienced with anyone online. It's as if I can feel him snuggled up next to me, whispering in my ear.

The last time I was in Australia, I ran out of time to spend any time in Sydney - just a connect from Brisbane to Johannesburg.

So I either want to do Brizzy or Rio for my birthday in Feb.

I really really really want to meet Matt. To complete what must be completed.

I thought I had forgotten what that feeling of love/infatuation/crush was until we spent time together last night.

Hell, I know it is a risk..... but everyone who really knows me will tell you that without risk, I am nothing.