Congenital Nevus

That's what it is.
I think.
I once had a dermatologist tell my mum (in front of me as if I didn't exist) that if I didn't have it grafted off, I would suffer severe pyschological issues.
I often forget it is there because I don't see it.

Does anyone else have one?

Or know anyone who has one?

I am thinking about a tattoo incorporating it. Ideas?

Mixed bag

So I have flu argh! Not bad yet, just a bit chesty and sore throat, but judging by the people around me, it's bound to get worse before it gets better.

Did another shoot last weekend at another dance festival. I don't know these dancers, so its going to be a bit harder to get the stuff sold. I posted a bunch to my photography FB fan page, and invited one of the dancers I found on FB. He was pretty impressed with the stuff, so I will take sample and stuff next week. It's been a busy week for me, trying to catch up on other stuff, and my daughter has been with me as she has been pretty sick too.

This weekend, I am going with my Mom and her sister to the Drakensberg. It's the 40th birthday of a set of twins I grew up with, though we don't see each other much anymore. Our familes are friends, so that's why we are all going down together. All we could get was a three bedroom unit, and I was hoping to take the kids with. But J has taken a few days off school this week already, and she has something on for school on Saturday. And I can't take S without taking J.....

My oldest customer lost his mom-in-law yesterday. A result of too many years of drinking and smoking too much. It never came as much of a surprise, but his kids are taking it hard. Not fun to lose a granny, especially a fun, party-loving granny.

Reminds me of my own grandfather on my dad's side. He lost his drivers license due to an accident where someone died. He was driving and he was blind drunk when the cops and ambulance arrived.

So while he never had a driver's license, he was a senior pilot on an international airline....

Fun.

Lol.. we are four brothers, and I was the only one he would have anyhting to do with. He used to catch a taxi on a Saturday morning to take me (only me) to the movies and pancakes after.

He was a twin, but lost his brother when they were very young (just in their twenties I think), and I think I reminded him of his brother. I sometimes think I am his brother reincarnated. Sounds silly, but I do think that.

A Change of Scenery

No, I'm not leaving blogland, though I really don't visit nearly enough at the moment.

I go through these phases where my body and soul aches for a change of scenery. It's usually set off by a general change of circumstances around me, and of course, over the last few months, a lot has changed.

For the first time ever, I have been lying awake thinking about distant shores. I dream frequently of the odd bit of travel, armed with lenses of various sizes and speedos, but seldom ever imagine myself setting up a little home in a foreign land. My home town has been a constant magnet and rock to me. The centre of the universe if you like.

I did live and work in New England for a time a long while ago. I also once spent six months in the Kingdom of Swaziland, but being only 330km from the centre of the universe, it hardly counts as 'being abroad'.

Nearly two years ago I moved in with Neville - the love of my life at the time - who lived 1200km away. Even though it meant moving away from my kids, I thought I could make it work - and probably could have if we hadn't broken up lol.... But it was like a test case scenario for me and the kids.

Lately, as the kids are getting older, I almost feel that they are needing me less and less in many respects. The ex and her same sex partner now live in adjoining houses on the same property - a bold step towards cementing their relationship in the very long term. She has two kids the same age as mine, and more and more, I feel like they are melding into a new family unit. And a fairly happy one at that. I kinda feel like I am drifting out of the core as time moves on. I know it is inevitable as they grow up, and we are hard wired to let it be, but this transition phase is unsettling.

Sadly, I feel more and more like my ex takes advantage of my good nature, and is only pleasant to me when there are material requirements to her own benefit. Sad, because I for one, cannot write off our history of better times as being completely non-existent - something she seems to be the master at.

So for the last six months or so, I have been drifting without a real goal. And when that happens, I endure night after night of insomnia, as my mind races around, looking for something to cling to.

Basically, I think the time has come to make real plans in terms of working towards a goal that for once does not include the immediate needs of my kids and my ex. As harsh as it may sound, I think this phase of my involvement in their everyday life is passing for them. It is me who is hanging on to them.

I am going through a real financial crisis - which in itself is manageable given a bit of time - but I am met with a stone wall of non-empathy by the ex. Demands of blood from my stone. But I guess that is one of the reasons we are apart. When we seperated, we were going through a similar (temporary) situation, and I suddenly realized that she simply did not have the staying power to endure the downs among the ups. This made me wonder what would happen if I were one day to require special care through an accident or illness. I think she would have simply left me.

So..... Rio for the boys? New Zealand because I have a brother there? Mozambique to build a wooden cabin near the beach and live off the land and the odd tourist? Lima for the Spiritual Pull I have felt my entire life for no apparent reason?

I am inclined to think I will fair better where there is scenery of the shirtless male variety....

So what does it cost?

Hmm... Gauss' comment on my last post regarding the cost of my weekend away got me thinking...

It would be interesting to compare some money things in our lives across the planet..... Every year, some research co. (I forget which) does a Big Mac index comparing the Dollar price of Big Mac's around the world.

So here's the challenge:

Comment or mail me on how much each of these items cost in your area, and be sure to say which currency you are using of course and quantity (per litre/ US gallon / Imperial Gallon / pounds / kg etc), and I will post our prices and the comparisons in a new post. Some items may require some estimating....

Also, I would obviously like to know more or less where you are. You can post anon if you want to of course.

So here we go:

Big Mac Meal (Burger/Fries/Coke combo)
Litre of petrol (or US Gallon or Imperial Gallon)
Litre of Diesel "
VW Golf 6
One way 2 hr flight on a local low cost airline (Ryan Air? Virgin Blue?)
1kg of skinless chicken breasts (or per pound)
1kg of beef fillet (or pound)
Monthly rent on a 2 bedroom apartment in your area excluding utilities (water and electricity)
Approximate cost per minute of a mobile call (prepaid rates)
Monthly internet cost to transfer 2Gb of data (specify connect speed and whether there are limits on usage)
I-Phone
200g (about half pound) steak meal at a family restuarant (with fries and/or veggies)
Average bottle of red wine from your local store (Merlot/Cabernet Sauvignon/Pinotage) - not cheap plonk, nor expensive vintage
Can of Coke
Loaf of supermarket white bread
Tube of your favourite toothpaste
gram of cocaine (optional) (I did know the going rate, will have to ask around for the current one though lol)
One good Marijuana cigarette (joint)
Bottle of Jack Daniels
Pack of twenty Camel / Marlboro cigarettes
GQ magazine (or FHM / Mens health / or local mens lifestyle magazine)
A ticket to see District 9 (or any other latest release movie) at your local movie theatre /cinema or whatever you choose to call it...

I know it sounds like a lot, but please take the time to do a little research for me...

Please?

Hugs

S (oops, nearly posted me real name there....)

Some scenes from the weekend...

So it was a good weekend in all.

Was a bit nervous cos neither Wes or I really knew more than a couple of guys. MG put W and I in the same cabin, so that was good.

On Saturday, we had a mad hatters party, and made good use of the jacuzzi as well as you can see. And of course, R made good use of the bar counter, doing impromptu strip shows the whole night, or until he was too drunk to get back up.

Met some really cool people. MG's brother turned out to be a beautiful boy lol. Sometimes I wish I had a gay brother too. Unusual I guess. Though I did once end up with a set of twins.....

We also spent some time at the local agricultural show. You should understand, that the farm we stayed on is just outside a VERY conservative town. So we looked like the local Gay Pride Parade when we arrived. We didn't stay long....

And I stuck to my drinking budget haha! Was a bit nervous for the bill, but was actually within a buck of the final amount. Strange that Wes's bill was almost identical, which means neither of us really drank that much, though we were bought quite a few shooters - Jagermeisters and Tequila's mostly as I can remember. A couple arrived that wasn't part of the group consisting of this like 60yo with toy boy in tow..... It wasn't pretty. I said to Wes yesterday that if he ever see's me in public with anyone that young, he should make me look at the pics of this odd couple again. It looked a little pathetic. The youngster was only there for the money, and the older guy was there purely for the sex. And they have been together for five years, so he must have been just barely legal when they met.

It's one thing fantasising, quite another thing actually seeing it in the flesh though.

The whole weekend - excluding travel costs - was only $80, food and drink included hehe... and Wes insisted on paying half as I had orginally said to him I can't go because I am broke still. He went ahead and booked and paid for the accomodation anyway.

Then had a fat argument over the phone with my ex when I got home. I guess she thought instead of paying alimony/maintenance/child support or whatever you call it where you are, I was off happly spending all her money.

Fuck her. It's the reason I have no regrets about splitting up - she has zero empathy for the human condition. Basically, if it's not benefiting her in some way, it doesn't exist.

Sethy the Famous Photographer

So a little collage of my Dance comp pics. They sold better than expected, and when I delivered the prints tonight there were plenty oohs and aahs, and once seen in the flesh as such, there were promises of more orders too.

I had a really kak (shit in otherspeak) day, so it was nice to have some positive stuff happening. Felt like I was running around and achieving nothing, and the inevitable calls from creditors - arghhh!

Ah well, off to the little gay resort in the bush again this weekend with Wes and MG. MG's brother is going to be there too (Gay siblings... unusual), plus eight other single guys. Not sure who I am sharing with yet, so this could be fun. There is only a double bed in each room, so sharing the sheets will be inevitable. Though I will be the oldest in the group. At least there will be some distraction from the reality for two short days, and looks like the weather is going to be pleasant - mid twenties (C) - so shorts and Tees. And there are two large jacuzzis.... though nakedness is forbidden in the public area *giggles*.

I am still here :)

Update:

Still here
Slow connection, so difficult to catch up on blogs - ugh
Living with mother is like rehab - cool
Made a bit of money on the dance shoot - more than I expected - yay
Still not enough though - lol
Going back to the gay resort this weekend - yay
It's kinda a singles weekend - we will draw lots on who shares with whom - nervous
Fending off creditors - ugh
Had awesome long weekend with lotsa family - cool
Made so much food, we ate for three days on the leftovers - fat
Had too much white wine tonight at our 'weekend planning meeting' - heartburn

I mentioned that Devon's parents made the decision to donate his organs. When they opened him up, they discovered he had lymphatic cancer. Doc reckons judging by how extensive it was, chances are, he may not have made it to his twenties....

It's a kinda bittersweet revelation.

A new week

First off, I would like to just say thanks for all the supportive mails and comments.

I have a pretty crappy internet connection at the moment as I have moved house, and reception is a little dodgy.

So both funerals were on Friday, and of course it was an emotional time. The thing about funerals though, it also brings people together again.

Wezley's was the first. My daughter and her three friends wanted to attend with me (they were at the same school). Four boys read tributes to him and one was clearly in love with the boy.

I took them for coffees and cake to break the mood before heading off for Dev's. It really was a big funeral. Half the school bussed in. The headmaster as well as several of his teachers were there. His homeroom teacher is a friend of mine.

So it's all over now. No rewind button.

So on Saturday, I did a shoot at another dance competition. I am busy working on the images this morning, and a lot more interest was shown, so I hope to sell a bunch of prints this time around. I have a target of $700 per week to make if I am to get back to comfortable survival.

Then on Saturday night, my oldest and two of her friends completely blew me away by their first live performance of their budding little band.

The show was arranged by their music teacher, who asked only that any numbers performed must be original work. The venue was a local pub, which was packed to capacity. The girls did two numbers, and although they have a long way to go, their confidence completely blew me away.

So yeah, I may not be around too much for now, but watch this space :)

hugs to all

S