Quick general update

Okay, so I haven't blogged for a wee bit, but that's a sure sign that things are running better in my life right now.

So work: Day Three officially yesterday (Today is a useless public holiday).

I have been stressing because I work with different software to the rest of the team, and my data hasn't been matching up. The ramifications are huge. So basically, I have been importing their data, and it just never seems to register the same co-ords in space.

So on Tuesday I told the project leader that I am going to the client to try and resolve this issue. And I am getting looks of "you don't really know what you are doing, do you?"

My gut feel is that my data is right, and their's is wrong, but my panic is that I am missing something through being a little rusty with the whole system.

Four hours into trying to make a case, the client project manager reruns their process and comes up with a fundamental flaw in their own system. Ten Points For ME!!!!!

The problem is that their raw data was flawed, and they have used this data through several steps which now have to be re-done. Three months work literally down the drain pipe....

And good old Sethy has been mandated to redo all the work. This is good. More work = more hours = more pay lolz. They already know me as Dr Fixit at the client.

Now I just got to get thru financially till the end of Oct. Not really sure how I am going to manage it.....

Drank tequial last night haha! Was out with Wes. I could so have done really naughty things with him haha. I must have kissed him five or six times during the evening, inspiring many giggles from our waitress who just can't fathom why we are not a real couple. And a number of dirty looks from the more conservative patrons....

So I am off to Wes's parents place for a braai (bbq in otherspeak). Beer, sunshine, cricket, Wes, braai... a good day in all.

Saturday

Johnno and I


Me, Iain and Duma

9.35am Rugby, Happiness, SA 1-Oz and NZ 0, Tri-Nations FTW! Beer.

11.30am Breakfast with Wes, Happiness.

1.00pm Iain, Beer, Happiness.

2.00pm Iain, Johnno and Fam, Duma, Happiness, Beer.

6.00pm Home, Supper, Coffee, Happiness.

A good day

Tantric

That's what my life feels like sometimes..... Long and drawn out, yet mostly pleasurable, and still waiting for the big orgasm.

So as you may know if you follow me regularly, I have had some ups and downs on the financial / employment front for some time.

So anyway, after my 'agent' (I always put it in '' cos agents are supposed to get you work right?) called this week asking if I was available for some work, I waited with baited breath for some answer from him.

Day 2: I get a mail from Ray at the client requesting me to contact them direct. This is rarely good because I don't really ever get involved until an order is signed etc... I am not good at negotiating rates and stuff, thats why I have an 'agent'. Anyway, I try call, but just get voicemail. Later, while having a beer with Wes and Ali, Ray calls, so I ask him if this has to do with what my Agent is quoting on. So he tells me yeah, sorta, but not the same - all enigmatic like. Then he tells me that Paul will call me with all the details. Paul is his boss.

Day3: Paul calls me. Says I can't work thru my agent because the project is not at mine level, but at corporate head office level, in which case, Agent is not a registered vendor there and I would battle to get my money (again). Ray will call me and give me the details.

Day4: Ray calls me. Wants to know if I can start earlier, but work through ***con as discussed with Paul. So I say yeah... I can come and see them next week (Paul said not going to happen till late in the month). Ray says next week? Fuck no, come tomorrow cos Charles from xxxcon is leaving for Peru on Monday. Oh Fuck, I think, Charles. Him and I butted heads on the last project.

Today: I go through, all nervous like, because of the Charles butting heads incident that may fuck all of this stuff up for me. Ray takes me to the boardroom where Charles joins us. - all kitten like. Hey S, he says, nice to see you again etc etc... When can you start? What are your rates? How can we pay you? Travel? No problem. Laptop? Sure, we have a new Dell lying around. Oh, by the way, we have some juniors we would like you to take under your wing and give them some training. It's just that you really know this reef and the orebody better than most. We'll pay you extra for that of course.

On the outside I am all smooth and calm like. On the inside, I am going Booooyaaaaaaa!!!!

So he takes me around to the project manager for intro's. 'Hey Heather, This is S I told you about. Make sure he gets what he needs, and if you have any questions, he will help you out. I've asked him to give some leadership to the new guys.'

So I am still spinning a bit....

I mean, the money is really good. I probably could have milked a bit more.... but once this project is done, there is always the opportunity to re-negotiate.

So Sethy is back to building puzzles (My daughter's description for what I do). Basically doing 3D models of underground stuff using a bunch of known, inferred, and extrapolated data plus a whole lotta gut feel. Once my models are done, the geostaticians use them as boundaries within they can estimate the value of the ore, and the engineers use my models to plan their routes to the ore, and the marketers use my models as pretty pictures in presentations to raise billions on the stock exchange.

As long as they don't send me down there to physically check my work...... I am not going 3.4km underground thank you very much. Thats 1.5km below sea-level. And the area is 'seismically' active in some places.

Anyone?

Does anyone know what happened to jlo from Jeff's Favs?

Online relationships

Last night, I went signed on to my 'regular' MSN sign on - not the one I use for my fellow bloggers.

I haven't been there in a while, because well, it's kinda boring, and I usually use Skype for my A-side friends anyway.

My first foray into online chatting was when Yahoo Chat was full of cammers and cool chatrooms. I met a bunch of cool people, and went through a serious camming anonymously phase. I actually think I was a bit of an addict, often with five or six cam windows open lol.... even on dial up, it performed okay.

I guess like all things, I became a bit bored, and canned most of my 'friends', but I still chat occasionally to two of those original guys. Tim is in his fifties, married, but plays around a lot online, and while his wife works or is away on some or other conference. Tim and I went through a lot of stuff together. He supported me during my divorce and my first forays into coming out and one nighters, and almost relationships. I was there for him when his wife's cancer returned, and when they went into chapter eleven due to the medical costs.

I never felt I loved Tim in any way, but we certainly have a relationship of sorts. Once a week we catch up on the latest gossip, porn sites, new characters in our lives, both on and offline. He is a great guy and though we have never cammed (okay once when I was pretty pissed), we always fantasise about meeting some day and getting naked just because we can.

Matt on the other hand is totally different. First of all, he is younger - in his twenties - fit as all hell, intelligent etc etc. He is the only person I have seriously fallen for online. At one point, we were online together for hours at a time. The only thing that was missing to make it a real relationship was actual touching...

He lives on the other side of the planet of course (Sydney).

So last night, he popped up on MSN. I haven't chatted to him for months. Pretty soon, we were back into each other. It's painful actually, because what we have is like nothing else I have experienced with anyone online. It's as if I can feel him snuggled up next to me, whispering in my ear.

The last time I was in Australia, I ran out of time to spend any time in Sydney - just a connect from Brisbane to Johannesburg.

So I either want to do Brizzy or Rio for my birthday in Feb.

I really really really want to meet Matt. To complete what must be completed.

I thought I had forgotten what that feeling of love/infatuation/crush was until we spent time together last night.

Hell, I know it is a risk..... but everyone who really knows me will tell you that without risk, I am nothing.

Decisions.....

My 'agent' called today out of the blue as usual....

Seems his client has once again asked for me to do some work again. This is amazingly good news of course. The quoting is a formality because I have been requested specifically.

Problem 1:

It's from mid October, which means first payment optimistically end of November.

Problem 2:

Little brother has not been requested..... some sibling rivalry dilemma's approaching as he has no work at the moment either. I did ask my agent to keep him in mind if there is extra work.

Problem 3:

Do I expend time and energy into expanding the photography, then let it slide again while I do this (three month) job? The reality is that I can earn enough during this job to give me the capital to do the photo thing properly next year, but also I need income from now until the end of November or else I am going to be so far in debt that the extra cash is just going to go back into servicing the debt again.....

aaaargh!!!!!!!

And I need a new laptop for this job......

And I need software from little brother if I get new laptop.......

o fuck

fuckity fuck

haha....

And my agent says the engineers are working again, which means the recession is officially over in my industry, so I may even have more work next year after this job.

Perhaps Rio Carnival is not too much of a pipe dream for my birthday in February.......

The Universe is apparently listening....

Glorious Day!

Went out with the other two thirds last night. W returned home from holiday yesterday, having spent ten days on the beach (grrrr jealous). Ali was receiving penis pics on her phone while we giggled like girls rating each one as they came through from a (hot) married guy every ten minutes or so. Apparently he was sneaking into the bathroom while at home with his wife, and taking cock pics and sending them to her.....

It was quiz night unfortunatley, so eye candy was restricted to the old age home fogies whose only weekly entertainment is to book a table, order the cheapest on the menu, and take the chance to show that they are old enough to know everything. And win prizes of biscuits and booze.

Had an early breakfast with Wes in the sun this morning at our favourite coffee shop. He only goes back to work tomorrow.

Now back to the PC and get my Photoshop work done. Gah! I am tired of Barmitzvah pics lol.... Sixth one in three weeks......

Trying to figure out creative and different ways to make studio lights pay. Seems every Tom Dick and Anny with a digital camera is out there after being retrenched through Affirmative Action and the recession.....

Much like me of course.

Time to be seriously different!

hi....

It's Monday.
Unseasonally horny.
Have NO motivation to work.
Brother offered to help me buy some equipment.
My erratic outlook on life has never been good for me.
The house I want is back up for sale.
I never won the lotto though....

Why am I so nervous/anxious?

Actually I do know why.

I guess I have never been good at cold calling.

Though it has to be done.

I have never been good at keeping my mouth shut either.

Though - sometimes - it has to be done.

I have never been good at accepting help.

Though, I guess now is the time to change.

Assistant Required
No Experience Necessary

Congenital Nevus

That's what it is.
I think.
I once had a dermatologist tell my mum (in front of me as if I didn't exist) that if I didn't have it grafted off, I would suffer severe pyschological issues.
I often forget it is there because I don't see it.

Does anyone else have one?

Or know anyone who has one?

I am thinking about a tattoo incorporating it. Ideas?

Mixed bag

So I have flu argh! Not bad yet, just a bit chesty and sore throat, but judging by the people around me, it's bound to get worse before it gets better.

Did another shoot last weekend at another dance festival. I don't know these dancers, so its going to be a bit harder to get the stuff sold. I posted a bunch to my photography FB fan page, and invited one of the dancers I found on FB. He was pretty impressed with the stuff, so I will take sample and stuff next week. It's been a busy week for me, trying to catch up on other stuff, and my daughter has been with me as she has been pretty sick too.

This weekend, I am going with my Mom and her sister to the Drakensberg. It's the 40th birthday of a set of twins I grew up with, though we don't see each other much anymore. Our familes are friends, so that's why we are all going down together. All we could get was a three bedroom unit, and I was hoping to take the kids with. But J has taken a few days off school this week already, and she has something on for school on Saturday. And I can't take S without taking J.....

My oldest customer lost his mom-in-law yesterday. A result of too many years of drinking and smoking too much. It never came as much of a surprise, but his kids are taking it hard. Not fun to lose a granny, especially a fun, party-loving granny.

Reminds me of my own grandfather on my dad's side. He lost his drivers license due to an accident where someone died. He was driving and he was blind drunk when the cops and ambulance arrived.

So while he never had a driver's license, he was a senior pilot on an international airline....

Fun.

Lol.. we are four brothers, and I was the only one he would have anyhting to do with. He used to catch a taxi on a Saturday morning to take me (only me) to the movies and pancakes after.

He was a twin, but lost his brother when they were very young (just in their twenties I think), and I think I reminded him of his brother. I sometimes think I am his brother reincarnated. Sounds silly, but I do think that.

A Change of Scenery

No, I'm not leaving blogland, though I really don't visit nearly enough at the moment.

I go through these phases where my body and soul aches for a change of scenery. It's usually set off by a general change of circumstances around me, and of course, over the last few months, a lot has changed.

For the first time ever, I have been lying awake thinking about distant shores. I dream frequently of the odd bit of travel, armed with lenses of various sizes and speedos, but seldom ever imagine myself setting up a little home in a foreign land. My home town has been a constant magnet and rock to me. The centre of the universe if you like.

I did live and work in New England for a time a long while ago. I also once spent six months in the Kingdom of Swaziland, but being only 330km from the centre of the universe, it hardly counts as 'being abroad'.

Nearly two years ago I moved in with Neville - the love of my life at the time - who lived 1200km away. Even though it meant moving away from my kids, I thought I could make it work - and probably could have if we hadn't broken up lol.... But it was like a test case scenario for me and the kids.

Lately, as the kids are getting older, I almost feel that they are needing me less and less in many respects. The ex and her same sex partner now live in adjoining houses on the same property - a bold step towards cementing their relationship in the very long term. She has two kids the same age as mine, and more and more, I feel like they are melding into a new family unit. And a fairly happy one at that. I kinda feel like I am drifting out of the core as time moves on. I know it is inevitable as they grow up, and we are hard wired to let it be, but this transition phase is unsettling.

Sadly, I feel more and more like my ex takes advantage of my good nature, and is only pleasant to me when there are material requirements to her own benefit. Sad, because I for one, cannot write off our history of better times as being completely non-existent - something she seems to be the master at.

So for the last six months or so, I have been drifting without a real goal. And when that happens, I endure night after night of insomnia, as my mind races around, looking for something to cling to.

Basically, I think the time has come to make real plans in terms of working towards a goal that for once does not include the immediate needs of my kids and my ex. As harsh as it may sound, I think this phase of my involvement in their everyday life is passing for them. It is me who is hanging on to them.

I am going through a real financial crisis - which in itself is manageable given a bit of time - but I am met with a stone wall of non-empathy by the ex. Demands of blood from my stone. But I guess that is one of the reasons we are apart. When we seperated, we were going through a similar (temporary) situation, and I suddenly realized that she simply did not have the staying power to endure the downs among the ups. This made me wonder what would happen if I were one day to require special care through an accident or illness. I think she would have simply left me.

So..... Rio for the boys? New Zealand because I have a brother there? Mozambique to build a wooden cabin near the beach and live off the land and the odd tourist? Lima for the Spiritual Pull I have felt my entire life for no apparent reason?

I am inclined to think I will fair better where there is scenery of the shirtless male variety....

So what does it cost?

Hmm... Gauss' comment on my last post regarding the cost of my weekend away got me thinking...

It would be interesting to compare some money things in our lives across the planet..... Every year, some research co. (I forget which) does a Big Mac index comparing the Dollar price of Big Mac's around the world.

So here's the challenge:

Comment or mail me on how much each of these items cost in your area, and be sure to say which currency you are using of course and quantity (per litre/ US gallon / Imperial Gallon / pounds / kg etc), and I will post our prices and the comparisons in a new post. Some items may require some estimating....

Also, I would obviously like to know more or less where you are. You can post anon if you want to of course.

So here we go:

Big Mac Meal (Burger/Fries/Coke combo)
Litre of petrol (or US Gallon or Imperial Gallon)
Litre of Diesel "
VW Golf 6
One way 2 hr flight on a local low cost airline (Ryan Air? Virgin Blue?)
1kg of skinless chicken breasts (or per pound)
1kg of beef fillet (or pound)
Monthly rent on a 2 bedroom apartment in your area excluding utilities (water and electricity)
Approximate cost per minute of a mobile call (prepaid rates)
Monthly internet cost to transfer 2Gb of data (specify connect speed and whether there are limits on usage)
I-Phone
200g (about half pound) steak meal at a family restuarant (with fries and/or veggies)
Average bottle of red wine from your local store (Merlot/Cabernet Sauvignon/Pinotage) - not cheap plonk, nor expensive vintage
Can of Coke
Loaf of supermarket white bread
Tube of your favourite toothpaste
gram of cocaine (optional) (I did know the going rate, will have to ask around for the current one though lol)
One good Marijuana cigarette (joint)
Bottle of Jack Daniels
Pack of twenty Camel / Marlboro cigarettes
GQ magazine (or FHM / Mens health / or local mens lifestyle magazine)
A ticket to see District 9 (or any other latest release movie) at your local movie theatre /cinema or whatever you choose to call it...

I know it sounds like a lot, but please take the time to do a little research for me...

Please?

Hugs

S (oops, nearly posted me real name there....)

Some scenes from the weekend...

So it was a good weekend in all.

Was a bit nervous cos neither Wes or I really knew more than a couple of guys. MG put W and I in the same cabin, so that was good.

On Saturday, we had a mad hatters party, and made good use of the jacuzzi as well as you can see. And of course, R made good use of the bar counter, doing impromptu strip shows the whole night, or until he was too drunk to get back up.

Met some really cool people. MG's brother turned out to be a beautiful boy lol. Sometimes I wish I had a gay brother too. Unusual I guess. Though I did once end up with a set of twins.....

We also spent some time at the local agricultural show. You should understand, that the farm we stayed on is just outside a VERY conservative town. So we looked like the local Gay Pride Parade when we arrived. We didn't stay long....

And I stuck to my drinking budget haha! Was a bit nervous for the bill, but was actually within a buck of the final amount. Strange that Wes's bill was almost identical, which means neither of us really drank that much, though we were bought quite a few shooters - Jagermeisters and Tequila's mostly as I can remember. A couple arrived that wasn't part of the group consisting of this like 60yo with toy boy in tow..... It wasn't pretty. I said to Wes yesterday that if he ever see's me in public with anyone that young, he should make me look at the pics of this odd couple again. It looked a little pathetic. The youngster was only there for the money, and the older guy was there purely for the sex. And they have been together for five years, so he must have been just barely legal when they met.

It's one thing fantasising, quite another thing actually seeing it in the flesh though.

The whole weekend - excluding travel costs - was only $80, food and drink included hehe... and Wes insisted on paying half as I had orginally said to him I can't go because I am broke still. He went ahead and booked and paid for the accomodation anyway.

Then had a fat argument over the phone with my ex when I got home. I guess she thought instead of paying alimony/maintenance/child support or whatever you call it where you are, I was off happly spending all her money.

Fuck her. It's the reason I have no regrets about splitting up - she has zero empathy for the human condition. Basically, if it's not benefiting her in some way, it doesn't exist.

Sethy the Famous Photographer

So a little collage of my Dance comp pics. They sold better than expected, and when I delivered the prints tonight there were plenty oohs and aahs, and once seen in the flesh as such, there were promises of more orders too.

I had a really kak (shit in otherspeak) day, so it was nice to have some positive stuff happening. Felt like I was running around and achieving nothing, and the inevitable calls from creditors - arghhh!

Ah well, off to the little gay resort in the bush again this weekend with Wes and MG. MG's brother is going to be there too (Gay siblings... unusual), plus eight other single guys. Not sure who I am sharing with yet, so this could be fun. There is only a double bed in each room, so sharing the sheets will be inevitable. Though I will be the oldest in the group. At least there will be some distraction from the reality for two short days, and looks like the weather is going to be pleasant - mid twenties (C) - so shorts and Tees. And there are two large jacuzzis.... though nakedness is forbidden in the public area *giggles*.

I am still here :)

Update:

Still here
Slow connection, so difficult to catch up on blogs - ugh
Living with mother is like rehab - cool
Made a bit of money on the dance shoot - more than I expected - yay
Still not enough though - lol
Going back to the gay resort this weekend - yay
It's kinda a singles weekend - we will draw lots on who shares with whom - nervous
Fending off creditors - ugh
Had awesome long weekend with lotsa family - cool
Made so much food, we ate for three days on the leftovers - fat
Had too much white wine tonight at our 'weekend planning meeting' - heartburn

I mentioned that Devon's parents made the decision to donate his organs. When they opened him up, they discovered he had lymphatic cancer. Doc reckons judging by how extensive it was, chances are, he may not have made it to his twenties....

It's a kinda bittersweet revelation.

A new week

First off, I would like to just say thanks for all the supportive mails and comments.

I have a pretty crappy internet connection at the moment as I have moved house, and reception is a little dodgy.

So both funerals were on Friday, and of course it was an emotional time. The thing about funerals though, it also brings people together again.

Wezley's was the first. My daughter and her three friends wanted to attend with me (they were at the same school). Four boys read tributes to him and one was clearly in love with the boy.

I took them for coffees and cake to break the mood before heading off for Dev's. It really was a big funeral. Half the school bussed in. The headmaster as well as several of his teachers were there. His homeroom teacher is a friend of mine.

So it's all over now. No rewind button.

So on Saturday, I did a shoot at another dance competition. I am busy working on the images this morning, and a lot more interest was shown, so I hope to sell a bunch of prints this time around. I have a target of $700 per week to make if I am to get back to comfortable survival.

Then on Saturday night, my oldest and two of her friends completely blew me away by their first live performance of their budding little band.

The show was arranged by their music teacher, who asked only that any numbers performed must be original work. The venue was a local pub, which was packed to capacity. The girls did two numbers, and although they have a long way to go, their confidence completely blew me away.

So yeah, I may not be around too much for now, but watch this space :)

hugs to all

S

Life is short

I am not yet sure how to put all I feel into words. That will come later I am sure.

I posted earlier that Devon, my nephew, passed this morning, but was hoping the second boy, Wesley, would somehow pull through.

Sadly, he was declared brain dead this afternoon after suffering a major stroke late yesterday afternoon.

No need to comment, just a small offer of prayer for their parents and those who were close to them.

It has been a sad weekend, but one that has proven that common cause humanity does exist, and also that our belief in invincibility can be severely tested.

Be safe, and always strive to expect the unexpected.

Its finally over

Yesterday afternoon late, Devon was declared brain dead.

A decision was made late last night to donate his organs.

At 6am this morning they shut down the respirator and took him away.

He is now a hero by saving others' lives.

---

Wesley is deteriotating after showing signs of improvement. Yesterday afternoon, he had a stroke which has been a major setback.

Just to clear up a misunderstanding - this is not the same Wesley I often talk about. My Wesley has been very supportive, sending me texts of support right through the night.

---

Thank you everyone for the kind words in comments, mails and tweets.

Some prayers sought...

Please pray for my nephew, Devon, and his friend Wesley, who were both involved in a motorcycle accident earlier today (Friday).

Both boys are in ICU on life support. Wesley is showing signs of movement, though he has severe head injuries, while my boy Devon is relying solely on life support for now. They have placed a drain in his skull as there is a lot of swelling and bleeding on the brain still.

Devon is 14, and Wesley 17.

They are in extremely good care, and while we all took turns to hold his hand and have a quiet chat, the doctors are still fearing the worst.

A little Update

So I have pretty much moved all my stuff over to my mom's place. It has been emotional, as any move is for me. I really despise change.

Hmm... updates..

My youngest daughter surprised all of us by changing her relationship status to "in A relationship" on Facebook lol. So last week we (Wes, Ali, the two girls and I) were out for a drink. We all made a big thing about her being the only one in the group that was actually IN a relationship, making her the centre of attention for the whole evening. It was good to see her basking in the limelight for a while. She is normally in the background. I had previously briefly met the said object of her affections - a cute shy boy two years her senior (she is 12 lol).

So today (on MSN), she told me she had been dumped.... poor child. Ah well, she still has the stalker who lives across the road, and Joe, the West African boy with the sexy French accent. The joys of being pre-teen and running hormones.

On Saturday, Wes and I joined a mutual friend and his gf at the (almost) local casino for a show. The first half was a cabaret type thing with live band and amazing dance routines - our mutual friend and his gf are competition ballroom/latin dancers. The second half was a stand up comic thing, which was pretty good. The host was far more entertaining than the headliners though....

Chatted for a bit to Chris today (almost passes out from longing for his body which was once against mine). It's his birthday tomorrow and he has invited me to his birthday bash on Saturday. I have my kids this weekend, so I am still trying to figure out how I am going to do this..... I really miss him. I met him online a few years ago, and we developed one of those amazing online relationships which culminated in us meeting and spending a few unforgettable days together on my brother's farm....

He recently moved pretty close to me about three or four months ago, and we have seen each exactly once. And it was a chance meeting at the opening of a new gay venue in my area. We ended up snogging on the dance floor. We were both drunk and also were at the venue with dates'.......

So I am thinking of persuing this.......

Had a drink with Iain tonight. It's been a while, and was good. A few good laughs as we tried to figure out whose future death would make as much noise as MJ's. We figured on Nelson Mandela, Oprah, Obama, Prince William.

Maybe's were madonna and Clint Eastwood. Other contenders were Paul McCartney, Johnny Depp, Britney, Drew Barrymore and any of the current Harry Potter lead actors.

Personally, Elijah Wood, Tom Selleck (don't ask), Brad Pitt, Shaun Pollock, Micheal J Fox and some others would send a wave of emotion as well.

And as usual, the requisite bad jokes abounded. My favourite of the night was a pick up line: Come and tell Pinocchio a lie...

I guess you had to be there....