Crappy Day after cool night out

Fuck I feel down today....

Down because I just seem to be attracted to all the wrong people lol...

Take the mechanic from last night. Recently divorced, bitter about it. He is in the same place I was a few years ago. Drinking too much, hanging around playing pool like a teenager. Obviously neglecting his business to a point where money is becoming an issue. Huge insecurities about who is.

On a physical side, he is so out of the box I normally place myself in. Older than my usual taste (hell, I am a sucker for a scally 25yo). Yet besides the age thing, he is damned good looking in a scruffy tradesman kinda way. He smiles ALL the time. Amazing abs - presumably from the physical nature of his trade. Then he says at some point (he knows I am gay), that all he really wants right now is some sort of companionship, male or female. Says that he is old enough to have had plenty of sex during his life. Okay, we were a little trashed....

He was with Str8girls skater boi fuck buddy - hot hot hot boi lol.

So last night, actually got hard thinking about kissing this guy, telling him everything is going to be alright. And that is always my fn attraction.... the lost and lonely. It has gotten me into such shit all through my life. I want to swoop down and save the downtrodden. It's a hopeless cause though.

I guess, what struck a chord last night, was this guy telling me that I am an amazing guy, and the fact that I can so easily get people to open up to me, cos I am non-judegmental... And yet I feel insecure about so many things. Finances are crap at the moment, and it is an insecurity. The body getting on - insecurity. I feel like a fn pedo sometimes because I find 20yo's hot. I haven't had decent sex in too long....

Oh dear, it sounds pretty morbid, but I will be over it in a while. Older brother getting married for third time this weekend, so there is cause for some celebration. I feel shit because I am not talking to little brother, and he is in pain from coming off his brand new motorbike on Friday, and I haven't been to visit him. I think I will do that tomorrow. Mother told me this morning he is behind with his work because he can't sit for long in front of the PC. But since we compete for business in a way, I am not prepared to help him because of a few work related incidents over the last few months.

My family don't know how to deal with me lol. I mean, I went through this whole coming out to them a couple of years ago, and the only person who is fully supportive is my mother. The others offer lip service, but I know they associate being gay with promiscuity. Hey, I can be a horny fuck, but so not into the casual shit anymore.

I guess I also want a companion.