I did a bad thing last night

hmmm.. last night the girls were here, so they both are into their gmail accounts and facebook and stuff, so for me to get back into my reader, i had to log in again. When I clicked on the username box, it opens up a drop down to choose recent usernames. And that's when I saw Neville's name...

Neville was my single most disastrous decision I ever made. I will post seperatley about the whole story, but the short version is that in August 2007, I packed up everything and moved 1000km to live with him. The plan was wedding bells and happily ever afters... He is/was an architect so our combined skills (mine is in 3D design) made a good working partnership too.

But after two months, it was clear he had a VERY bad case of alcoholism in its purist form. The sickness kind, not the 'i love to party' kind.

Needless to say, at some point, I just said I am leaving, and packed everything up and left.

So... back to the bad thing I did. I clicked on his username, and the password had been saved, so it let me into his mail account. I sat for about an hour going through his mails. I am not sure why, but perhaps I wanted to see if he had chatted to friends about me leaving to see if he laid the blame on me. But it was all work stuff..... Some emails from my brother who he owes money to, but that's not new to me. Brother and I talk about it from time to time.

Just disappointed to hear from my brother that Nev basically fucked up his architectural business (days at a time binging on vodka) and is now working at a local art gallery.....

And from the mails I read, it doesnt sound like its going well there either. Landlord threatening eviction, all sorts of legal mails wanting money....

I did love him, and can't help feeling something still. And one good thing came out of it - it forced me to come out to my daughters. And it has been the most frightening, yet best thing I have done. We now can have Wentworth Miller conversations :)

Ah well, the journey continues. And we learn.