So being with P this weekend just reinforced my preference for being with someone younger.
He is pretty much the same age as me, but I just felt like I was with this old guy. It weirded me out, especially after we had drunken sex on the first night. We both knew it was going to happen. The last time we actually did anything together was when we were in our teens.
I guess it just brought back too many harsh memories of those days.
I just don't FEEL the age I am. When I am with guys my own age, I feel like I am with a bunch of old people. W is 14 yrs younger than me, Iain is ten yrs younger. Last year I spent a lot of time with a 22yo who begged my cousin to introduce me to him. That makes him twenty years younger. It wasn't ideal of course, especially since he looked even younger (my mother still refers to him as my 14yo), and I broke it off.
So many gay guys who find themselves in work situations with kids (such as teachers/sports coaches etc) remain closet for good reason. It just seems to me that there is this fucked up perception that ALL gay men cannot be trusted around teenage boys. And it IS a fucked up perception. One that angers me beyond rationality.
In our little community here, there is a very wide range of ages, yet we all share a common thread, yet I still find myself feeling weird about commenting on our younger friends' blogs for fear that it may be taken the wrong way....
I will always look at good looking twinky type boys. My str8 friends will always look at barely legal girls. It doesn't make us weird, it confirms our humanity. These are human forms in the prime of their lives, individuals of absolute beauty.
It's not that I want to be WITH them, it's because I wish I WAS them.
And having been a victim of a pedo, I sometimes feel I have a need to protect others from the same situation.
It's actually called Objectification through Identification if I recall correctly.
So... I am putting it out there. Do I make sense? Am I weird? I really, really want to hear your views. It doesn't have to be through commenting, it can be an e-mail too.
Happy Thanksgiving!
1 year ago
you make plenty of sense - it's probably why I am having anxiety attacks and bouts of depression about my birthday in a few days ... I just can't wait to get out of town and hang out with my younger cousins for a few days
ReplyDeleteYou know I sort of have the opposite problem. I have two separate sets of friends, and lately have been spending more time with my friends in their 30's or 40's than my friends in their 20's (I'm 26).
ReplyDeletePart of that now that I think about it is probably due to the fact that the 30's / 40's crowd all know I'm gay, are OK with me, and we can even laugh about things like my big dramatic coming out party.
Wonder why it was easier to tell them, vs. people my own age...
I don't think we should restrict ourselves to a too close age band (although I'm hardly a month apart from my man). Either it works together and one also enjoys things together apart from enjoying the horizontal limbo, or it doesn't and one doesn't stay together. Why should we restrict ourselves even more?
ReplyDeleteOur neighbors are 21 years apart (she is the older) and you hardly notice the age gap when you see them together. My husband's ex was also more than 20 years older and they have been together for 18 years.
Age gaps might raise some eyebrows, but when you stay within the legal limits, it's nobody's business but the ones who love each other.
I know what you mean about not feeling your age. I don't think of myself as being anything like the geezers who were 66 when I was 17. I still feel pretty much the same as I did when I was in my 20's.
ReplyDeleteSo in many ways it still feels as if the younger guys are part of our peer group.
I am 24 and i have the odd one or two older men friends, but i don't have any sexual feelings for them they are just friends.
ReplyDeleteOne of them is legendery for not likeing men of his own age.
By this i mean he likes men much older than him, or a few years younger. Never around same age.
When i asked him why, he once said that when he is with a group of younger men it reminds him of his youth, but when he is with a crowd of much older men, he likes to be the youngest person there so to get the same feeling.
p.s. i don't know how he will manage that when he gets into his sixties though LOL
ReplyDeleteIt makes plenty of sense to me.
ReplyDeleteLike ng, I don't feel my age, and i'm not many years younger. I still feel mid twenties, although I'm conscious of some physical degradation.
Nothing wrong with your memory - it is indeed Objectification by Identification.
From a personal perspective, I was drawn to your remarks on the work situation. There is a widely held misconception that "gay men cannot be trusted around teenage boys". The reality is that "inappropriate behaviour" is no more likely in that scenario than it is with "straight" men around teenage girls, or indeed with any combination of sexual orientation / susceptible young people.
Thanks for your post. I'll mail you with some further thoughts - not going to comment any more here, 'cos feel a post in the making for my own blog.
Take care, luv, Baz
Thanks for the participation guys, I really do appreciate it.
ReplyDelete@goleft: angst for your birthday??? There's lots more to come hehe... And just look in your mind's eye at your peers and say to yourself "you have NO fn idea!" and smile :) Go have some fun with your cousins.
@Gauss: I have a theory about a switch (for men at least) at 33, where you suddenly realize that all the posing for career, potential lovers, acceptance, image etc, is all just a bunch of bullshit. Life is far deeper than that. That's why there is a comfort level with guys in that age group. It's the calm before mid-life crisis. Then the posing starts again for some hahaha...
@gomad: Yeah, I fully understand. My little brother has been with his partner for ten years, and she is 15 years older, though you would never say it when they are together. My mother's second husband was 18 yrs her senior, thought the disadvantage of course is that he passed away in his late 60's when she still had another twenty years of relationship left in her....
@naturgesetz: Seeing that you are two yrs older than my mother, I should technically feel like you are an old perv to me hahaha! But seriously though, that's just the point: from your comments and blogging, one cannot feel like you are not part of the peer group we all belong to here. An age range of 16 to 66. We have a common thread, and while our bodies degrade over time, we are still the same essence we were in our teens and twenties. My favourite quote (From Katy Melua) "Feeling 22, Acting 17" It's the way I have lived my life. Wanna be my sugar daddy?
@Mambam: Welcome to my blog! I fully identify with your friend. Being around older men (and women) made me feel sexy and young. Being with younger guys made me feel good because they looked up to me. I have very few friends that are the same age as me. Perhaps for that reason. I know how I will manage when I am 66; I will just have to pay for someone to make me feel sexy haha! Hell, I will still feel good about myself, even when I am 66.
@Baz: Welcome too! That's the whole point in the workplace that I was trying to make. I can't understand why it is that gay men in the workplace with kids are deemed 'more of a threat' than any other group. I have two daughters in their teens, and I give them as much information as I can - something I never had as a kid. There is an open line of communication as much as it is possible with teenagers. I only wish my daughter (who is four months younger than Mirrorboy by the way) could stumble upon a group of peers like this. With such a wide range of support, love, understanding and diversity of culture as we have, I actually get a lump in my throat sometimes...
Geez, that was a long response!
as i was thinking while reading, who said pretty much exacly what i was thinking:
ReplyDelete"These are human forms in the prime of their lives, individuals of absolute beauty"
the human body is in it's prime in these years.
there's a reason why the Greeks idolized the young (male) teenagers body-- and why for most of history men got married to women much younger than them
and on a different note, there's a reason why "barely legal" porn sites do so well, lol
@Tyler: My point exactly. Obviously the Greeks didn't have the benefit of Catholic Guilt
ReplyDeleteSorry, this is a very delayed comment so I will be brief.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your thoughts - especially where you say "It's not that I want to be WITH them, its that I want to BE them" - sort of speaks to the whole age gap thing, the interesting twist that a large portion of gay men like, or are stereotyped as liking, younger ages. (I'm not talking pedophilia, but the twink thing). Its interesting - I sometimes feel I am caught in the middle. Most of my friends are older, or the same age (early 30's) - but yet I often yearn for the younger twink types.
I too sometimes feel awkward and disconnected from the younger generation - and think, gee, my comments must make me sound like a stodgy old man. At the same time I want to shelter and protect the younger generation.
However, I usually wind up feeling OLDER than my age - I often joked around that I was 32 going on 72, but I guess thats just a weird quirk in my brain.
Anyway, I don't think this entire comment made any sense at all. Sorry.
lolz Seth... It made sense enough :)
ReplyDeletePoint being really that for every older guy who has a twink by his side means there are twinks who like older men...