His name was Josh

I may have posted about this before, but it's worth a re post because not even I can find the original post.

I think many of us have been through the chat room phase. I am glad it is lost it's lustre in popularity for the most part. They are fraught with lurkers; molesters; and a mix of really good people. The problem is that it is difficult to tell the difference.

I have made two really good online friendships that have lasted for more than four years though.

Tim is in his fifties, married, bi. We catch up at least once a week with each other. He supported me through my divorce, never judging. There was seldom any suggestive talk - even though he was into it lol. We have chatted on the phone a few times, and I once nearly got to meet him as there was a conference in his city that I was to attend. Unfortunately it was cancelled at the last minute. I supported him through his wife's cancer treatment and his resulting financial crises.

Matt found me on some random site. Again, we still chat once a week. He is in his twenties and lives with his bf in Oz. I won't deny that our relationship went as far as one can go online. We spent hour after hour chatting. I was (still am I guess) in love with him, and him with me.

Again, I came very close to meeting with him on a business trip, but I simply ran out of time. We will meet one day though, it is just one of those things.

I met V online on a local gay dating site. We have also been chatting for over three years. We also catch up every now and then. The difference here, is that V lives literally half an hour's drive from me. The funny thing about our 'meeting' online, is that he mistook me for someone he knew, and struck up a conversation with me quite randomly. After he had realised his mistake, we laughed a lot about it, we still do. V was then just nineteen, and when he realised he had struck up this convo with some 'old' dude, it was hilarious. Nevertheless, whenever we saw each other online, we would spend some time chatting about arb stuff.

We have threatened to try meet and have coffee a few times, but circumstances have always come between us. But it is one of those things that is just perfectly fine. These days we just swop hi's in passing, he still teases me about my age, and I still laugh at his 'up and down' relationship with his so-called bf....

But then there was Josh. Just another typical young man battling with his sexuality and wanting to come out to his parents. He was 26, and worked a cattle farm with his father. He was a friend of Tim's, and pretty soon, we both spent many days giving him support leading up to his coming out to his parents. Pretty much the same as a lot of bloggers in our community here.

It should have gone well. He was close to his parents, lived in a country where acceptance levels are high, not a terribly religious background, not promiscous or fem in any way. Just a good sweet guy, salt of the earth.

His coming out never went well. His father beat him up. He left his house (which was a few miles from his parents place), packed his van and headed off to the city. Tim and I were in a panic, not knowing how to get hold of him, wondering all the time what had happened. We managed to chat a couple of times when he was online at an internet cafe. He was sleeping in his truck, had been mugged and lost some of the cash he had taken with him.

After a few days, his dad called him to say he is sorry, and that he had reacted badly and asked him to return home. Pensively, he made the trip back home, and after meeting with his parents, he once again disappeared offline. A week later, his brother - out of the blue - mailed both Tim and I to tell us that Josh had asked him to mail us to say he was okay because he knew we would be worried. He had tried to take his own life and was in hospital with no way to go online.

Shortly after that, he was back, in better spirits, and planned to go stay with a friend for a week while he figured out a way forward. He had decided to go back to college and finish his degree and basically get out the farming business and on with his own life.

Sadly, a week later, his brother once again mailed us to let us know that they had buried Josh. He did go up to the friends house for a while, but returned early and took his own life in his own house. His brother had found him only two days later.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that as much as we think just because some of us are out and everyone is okay with it, we can never fully understand the particular situations other people may be in. I for one am certainly not a qualified therapist with the necessary tools and experience to offer advice. I learnt that from Josh.

So forgive me if I sometimes seem distant when there are cries for advice. It's not that I don't care - quite the opposite. I can be a shoulder to cry on, and can offer love and support. But advice? I am wary of offering, unless I have known you for a long time, or perhaps have met irl...

Peace and love...