Right Wing Stirrers

Hey thanks guys for the cool responses to my last post!

Just reflecting on this post by Micky at Its Getting Better. We are all very proud of the fact that Steevo in Cali helps to raise our awareness of gay rights in the US.

Goleftatthefork notes in commenting that gay acceptance is very low in the states compared to the UK and parts of Europe he has worked in. I couldn't agree more. What happened?

I agree with Steevo that it takes a few stirrers to get things going. Where are they these days? It seems the stirrers are all from the far right.... It just seems almost surreal to me that fifteen years ago, we in South Africa lived in one of the most conservative countries in the world, governed by a minority by force, with draconian laws with respect to freedom of speech and expression. EVERYTHING had to pass through the Censorship Board. Our media was state controlled, including television. Anything that promoted racial harmony or sexual freedom just never saw the light of day. I tried smuggling a girlie mag back from the UK when I was seventeen, and was subsequently humiliated and stripped searched at the airport.

How all of that has changed. Gay marriage is legal, consentual sex at 16 is legal. Child pornography is illegal and vigilantly policed, but other than that, there really has to be a hard case to get anything else banned or removed from shelves. Hate speech is a big issue, and is entrenched in our constitution.

Gay kids are coming out at fourteen and fifteen to their friends and parents.

But of course, it is not all roses and cucumber sandwiches. Rape stats are still the highest in the world and the worst cases for me are men or teenage boys against really small kids - hardly sexual, more of a power thing. Kids gang raping older women. These are usually in rural areas; areas with very high levels of poverty and unemployment. Idle hands.... and alcohol and drugs.

Another issue is the latest craze of drugging girls and capturing the resulting gang rape on mobile phones, and it spreads like wild fire. The perps are usually highor drunk as well. Social mobile phone chat rooms are also a worry. While we allow our kids more freedom to express themselves, we have to still remember that they are still kids. Kids that deal with peer pressure like never before. Kids with access to so much more than ever before. Kids who in many respects are so much more exposed to the seedier side of the sexual spectrum and exploitation.

So the best we can do as parents and teachers is first of all EDUCATION. Secondly SUPPORT.

I regularly introduce 'situations' into conversation with my kids.

"What happens if this person asks you to do that?"

"I once did this and regretted it, or these were the consequences."

"The consequences are this or that, even if it seems fun at the time."

I still have rules - even though they may seem lax to some of my fellow parents. But the girls know the boundaries, and as teens, they push to them often. And if they fuck up, sometimes I will cushion the fall, other times the best lesson is to let them face the consequences.

I let my kids see me as a real person. Somoene who laughs a lot - and sometimes at inapropriate things. Someone who cries when he sad. Someone who is sometimes scared. Someone who has the capacity to love, not just them or their mother, but others, regardless of their gender. Someone who is also a sexual being, and understands that they are all of these things too.

I beg all teachers and parents out there: Just take the time to look, understand and support. To give and accept attracts so much more back into your own lives. Show UNCONDITIONAL love; it is your OBLIGATION as a parent or teacher.

Thank you to educators like Steevo and the principal of my kids' high school. Thank you to the parents of gay kids that show them love and acceptance. In loving and accepting them, you are allowing them to love and accept themselves.

And thank you for the support shown to each other by fellow bloggers. It is not the most ideal situation to have your only form of support through this forum, but it is a start...

Stay Safe

Sethy