Coming Out - Kind of... The office party

I had been married for less than a year. The company I worked for really treated their staff well, and at the slightest hint of an excuse, we would party. We had just migrated tons of data successfully to a new system, and had spent three nights in a row testing and retesting. So our Ops manager decided we needed a night out. When I say 'we' I mean fifty people or so.

Being the ops manager's right hand boy, I arranged for us to go to this really off the wall Portuguese restuarant in the heart of the CBD. There were two main groups. The first were the programmers and the DBA's, who were mainly long term contractors and in the age group from thirty to fifty. the second group - the one I interacted with on a daily basis - was a large team of 'floor workers' . They were young - mainly researchers - and an eclectic mix. I had somehow moved through the ranks quite quickly, and this group envied my position as right hand boy. I guess I was twenty-four or so, and they averaged around nineteen.

For some reason, they mostly adored me, guys and girls. I was always on the floor, spurring them on. I was a process specialist, and any way I could find to make their work quicker I pushed for implementation.

So I was with the younger group for most of the evening. Drinks were on the house, so we were all taking turns to order a round. Sambuka, then Schnapps, Vodka, and so it went on. So when it came to my turn, I ordered the boys Portuguese Fire Water (Aquadent), and the girls Tequila Gold. It became a competition - I was the 'older guy' they were all trying to impress.

Needless to say, most of the group left fairly early as the alcohol was just too much. I was a pretty hardy drinker, so I joined the older crowd in the bar downstairs. I was very very drunk by this time, but had managed to stay upright until the last of the competition had left.

The oldest of the programmers was a guy called Bruce. I guess he was fifty or so. His partner John was eighteen - a delightful little queen. A huge chunk of the IT guys and girls were gay. I joined Bruce and John, and the rest of the evening was just a blur.

It took me over an hour to find my car. When I got home, there were all these cars in the driveway, and I suddenly realized that my wife and I had invited a bunch of friends over for a barbecue...

When I went inside, I just said hi to everyone, and promptly retired to the lounge where I woke the next morning with the biggest of hangovers ever.

Thank God it was Saturday, and the wife just laughed at how I drunk I was when I got home the previous night.

On Monday, it was back to work as usual. We spent some time in the canteen laughing about the events of the Friday. Later, I had to go to the fourth floor to Bruce to go over some results of the latest testing. Sitting in his office, he leaned over the desk and said to me: "You know that you told me you are gay on Friday, right?"

We both burst into laughter, and he came around and hugged me. He told me that I had pulled him and John aside and told them I was envious of their relationship and shared some sexual anecdotes, while attempting to get another beer down. Luckily, no-one else had heard, and Bruce assured me it would remain that way.

Even though I was married, and quite happily so, I kinda felt a little liberated in a way. It was like, yeah I am happy, and yeah I am also okay that I have a gay side, and yeah I can live with it. And I did.