When good sex ends badly.... (Part One)

Or rather how we should not imagine that a past romance can be rekindled so easily.

She was my first real kiss. I was twelve, she eleven. But even then, we both knew that it was so much more than a kiss. If circumstances had allowed, we would have gone much, much furher that night. And we both knew it.

Ten years later, she was back in my life. She and her brother visited me when I was living at the coast with Trevor. Much to Trev's annoyance, the three of us drove up to a University town to an art's festival. The three of us had an amazing time. Her brother is gay and had been crushing on me for years, but he is so not my type lol.

Anyway, after they left, the girl and I kept in contact a lot. She was in the throws of a divorce, and we became close, even though we were apart by many miles. After a few months, I said we should be just backing off a bit. Though she didn't know I was actually in a relationship with the guy I was living with at the time, I was trying to break things off with Trev. It had developed into weeks of silence broken only by criticism of each other, but we were financially tied to each other, and until those issues were resolved, we were pretty much stuck with each other. I wasn't out to anyone, not even her brother. As far as anyone was concerned, Trev and I were friends, and business partners, and we shared a home.

So when I suggested we take it easy until I move back to Johannesburg, she put the phone down, and I never heard from her.

Trev was part of the reason I never wanted to be gay, well pretty much the whole reason I never wanted to be gay, but thats another story. He was stifling, possesive, and so fn paranoid that someone might ever find out he was fucking me.

So when she cut me off, I was hurt.

So for years, I got tidbits from her brother about where she was, and her life etc. I managed to call her once, and when she told me she was considering adopting a child, I admitted that if things were different, I would have wanted to be the father of her children. We never spoke again until two years ago.

Her brother intimated that she had spent several years self destructing, and in the process, destroying her realtionships with her family and anyone else who had been in her life. (Why the fuck I never heard the warning bells, I really don't know). While he was passing through, he spent the night at my place and he said to me she was divorcing the latest husband and having a hard time, and that she would be in the country in July. Perhaps I could talk to her. I was out to the brother already, and he had already told her.

So July came. Her mom called me one day, and asked me to talk to the girl, because she was in a really bad place. So I do, and invite her and her two little kids to come spend a couple of days with me before heading back abroad, and she does.

Well, we connect. Emotionally. We hold hands, take the kids for walks, reminisce, go to movies, eat out. Then she goes home. A perfect ending to a perfect four days. No problem. Except she falls in love with me.. Obsessively so. Without my knowledge. In a big way.